making friends est tres difficile


The other day I was upset because I am so bad at making friends.
Lately, I’ve been assessing myself as a person and some of the stuff I do is shady as fuck.
Like, I don’t even notice that I’m doing it! And then I’m doing it and thinking it and being a horrible human being.

Now you must be wondering what sort of shady business I’ve been getting myself into, nothing special but I feel shady. I FEEL SHADY.

Which makes me think, people who do horrible things, not stuff like killing someone or anything like that, but stuff like embezzling money or hiding the truth and scamming people out of money at a bank .. they probably are doing it because that’s them in a nutshell – that’s just them being themselves, shady, terrible, horrible human being but they don’t even need to think twice before doing it. THEY just do it.


Making friends, I think I am fairly capable of it but I also have a very difficult time because I don’t like to go to places. I recently got a lease in a new, expensive (not my choice), but nice apartment. I didn’t even look around the area, I didn’t even think to do that. I asked about crime, transportation, and noise. I didn’t ask to see if there are a bunch of cool hip bars near by. I didn’t check to see if there are theaters. I didn’t think that much…

And I realize that if I don’t have a car and if I have to meet someone somewhere out of the way…I’d just not go because it’s too much hassle to do that. Then I’m thinking, okay I want to have a drink ugh I definitely can’t drive!
I also hate UBER and everything like that.

So it’s like, if you can’t go to places and meet people, how are you ever expected to make friends?
Then what about a stable set of friends? Yeah I don’t have that.

How about you don’t feel sad and like a loser?

Yeah not capable of that either.

Just be alone..!
I am only capable of that sometimes.

What do you want?
I want everything and nothing.



Posted by on 09/25/2015 in RANDOM

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