late night musings – nanjing edition


hmmm 10:41 AM vancouver time, 1:41 AM Nanjing time….

i realized something!

(my dad picked out the print of the couch cushions you see above me…else, roses? hell no)

in grade 9 or 10, i can’t recall. my school (well the class that i was in) went on a trip to strathcona to camp and whatnot.
our camp counselors were these hardcore hippies, like seriously HARDCORE

and the first rule was: no complaining
because, we had to, a bunch of under-exercised academically (somewhat) overachievers, climb up a mountain, while carrying ALL the supplies that we needed (food, tents, pots and pans etc) up the mountain, build a tarp, sleep on rocks, climb back down (i fell in a ditch on the way down), row a canoe across a lake, get bitten by 10000x mosquitoes, set up the same tarp again, then hike back to camp grounds…

man, those were some hard days…

but, in hindsight, even though i have very few real memories of that trip, it was good….

everything in my life, in hindsight, is good.
everything in my life, in the present, is bad.
everything in my life, in the future, is promising, almost too promising. as if i really really depended my life on whatever WILL happen and not whatever IS happening.

right now is bad
lamenting for the past, and praying for the future.

but right now is most important? it’s one of those things that i know well in theory but poorly in practice…

pulling this quote from The Magicians by Lev Grossman

Sometimes he burst out laughing out of nowhere, for no reason. He was experimenting cautiously with the idea of being happy, dipping an uncertain toe into those intoxicatingly carbonated waters. It wasn’t something he’d had much practice at. It was just too fucking funny. He was going to learn magic! He was either the greatest genius of all time or the biggest idiot.

fantasy is not my genre, the reason that I became fascinated with this book was because Quentin had to learn, that there is no greener grass, and for better or for worse, right now is right now, take it or leave it.

um, i have the power to be happy?
i have the power to not complain about shit 24/7

tomorrow, i vow to actively complain less! yes!

and to end the post less pretentiously….

i miss this shop so bad….

ok, good night, i missed breakfast a week in a row, gonna get hell if i wake up at 11 am again…haha

i hope this charged up feeling that i have right now will carry on through to the rest of my life….?


  • JL says:

    Oh man, it’s the same with me. I hated high school and couldn’t wait for college, but now that I’m in first-year university I yearn to go back. And I only look to the future as something SO promising and successful, only I know that I’ll probably not be as successful as I plan and I won’t be happy either. D=

  • Jen says:

    With time we put on “rose-colored glasses” and in that way can often see the past in a positive light… or at least a less shitty light. Knowing it sucked but realizing it could have been worse. Emm, I feel you’ve been drifting in the waters of “wait” so long! Nothing will carry you on FOREVER in happiness, it’s ok to complain (some) and have shittty days (even 50% of the time) and revelations can definitely help put wheels in motion to just be content and accepting (not apathetic and aloof) of the present. Because being happy is hard work… but it really, really pays off. Because being miserable is easy but… miserable. I hope you don’t take any of that the wrong way LOL

    I guess really for me “being happy” isn’t really the goal as much as “not being a pessimistic douche that ruins people’s good mood” is. LOL for my friends, for myself too :P In high school I sorta felt happy people were weak minded and naive but really most happy people are just harder working at understanding & accepting the shit life throws at us.

  • winn says:

    Emmm! When are you back in Canada!

  • Amelia says:

    This is such a lovely post. I will try to complain less also, mostly because sometimes I get to wrapped up in the past and future I forget to take advantage of the present.

  • Lorik says:

    MEW MEW MEW~ You look cute~
    I hope China is treating you well~
    “there is no greener grass, and for better or for worse, right now is right now, take it or leave it.”
    That is so true….sometimes it’s hard…when life is throwing a lot of shit at you, it’s hard to remember that, but in the end…when everything is said and done and you reflect about the past, it seems not as bad. The most important thing is to try our best to be positive, to work hard and allow ourselves to not stress out about small things~ It’s easier said that done…(i would know loll…) but it’s important to keep that in mind~

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