I (A)M

late night musings – nanjing edition

hmmm 10:41 AM vancouver time, 1:41 AM Nanjing time….

hey!
i realized something!

(my dad picked out the print of the couch cushions you see above me…else, roses? hell no)

in grade 9 or 10, i can’t recall. my school (well the class that i was in) went on a trip to strathcona to camp and whatnot.
our camp counselors were these hardcore hippies, like seriously HARDCORE

and the first rule was: no complaining
because, we had to, a bunch of under-exercised academically (somewhat) overachievers, climb up a mountain, while carrying ALL the supplies that we needed (food, tents, pots and pans etc) up the mountain, build a tarp, sleep on rocks, climb back down (i fell in a ditch on the way down), row a canoe across a lake, get bitten by 10000x mosquitoes, set up the same tarp again, then hike back to camp grounds…

man, those were some hard days…

but, in hindsight, even though i have very few real memories of that trip, it was good….

everything in my life, in hindsight, is good.
everything in my life, in the present, is bad.
everything in my life, in the future, is promising, almost too promising. as if i really really depended my life on whatever WILL happen and not whatever IS happening.

right now is bad
lamenting for the past, and praying for the future.

but right now is most important? it’s one of those things that i know well in theory but poorly in practice…

pulling this quote from The Magicians by Lev Grossman

Sometimes he burst out laughing out of nowhere, for no reason. He was experimenting cautiously with the idea of being happy, dipping an uncertain toe into those intoxicatingly carbonated waters. It wasn’t something he’d had much practice at. It was just too fucking funny. He was going to learn magic! He was either the greatest genius of all time or the biggest idiot.

fantasy is not my genre, the reason that I became fascinated with this book was because Quentin had to learn, that there is no greener grass, and for better or for worse, right now is right now, take it or leave it.

um, i have the power to be happy?
i have the power to not complain about shit 24/7
….!

tomorrow, i vow to actively complain less! yes!

and to end the post less pretentiously….

i miss this shop so bad….

ok, good night, i missed breakfast a week in a row, gonna get hell if i wake up at 11 am again…haha

i hope this charged up feeling that i have right now will carry on through to the rest of my life….?