This became a chore
I paid my bill
and totally forgot
what the $71.40 was for
remember that my portfolio
exists on this cute
I can’t believe how much has changed since fanfiction.net
that’s when i started to write
that’s when I started to like
approval came in the form of comments
and pleads for more chapters
that was a good period
but oh so scary
to look back on
what i wrote
the subject matter
this isn’t a poem
but i am feeling like it might be possibly be
i’m listening to Lorde again.
Cheers to another year
Still feeling all the things
that I’m not supposed to feel
Grateful for all the opportunities
gained and miss
Even though I’m a cry baby
I am happy that I still
let that happen
Here’s to another year
specifically, the amount of time that i’m on the train.
Which runs about 30 minutes……and I listen to music and I look at people’s shoes and I always lament on the fact that I got on the first stop and getting off at the last stop.
i had soooooo many thoughts this morning.
including that i want to eat white castle for lunch since I’ve never had white castle before.
and we don’t have white castle in canada!!!
I am leaving New York next Sunday.
Lots of stuff happened, but it also feels like nothing happened at all.
I am so internal these days, i try to internalize everything even though apparently I still complain too much, according to some.
Last time I came to New York, I came to the decision that I want to work in advertising and this time? What did I come to the conclusion of? Well, let’s at least be grateful that it’s not to quit advertising.
I don’t know why I can’t get excited about anything anymore. The only thing that I really look forward to each day is sleeping which, surprisingly, is actually happening.
I rarely sleep until the alarm rings but that now happens everyday. I normally wake up 10 minutes before the alarm and curse until the cows become hamburgers.
I think I’m very tired even though I didn’t do much.
In the up coming year, i have a lot of exciting projects that I have vomited onto myself. I can’t stand still anymore. I need to start running.
Even though i’ve never had a hard time making friends, I’ve always had a hard time keeping friends. And what’s harder than having haters is to have those that disregard you, to consider you not worthy their time. And that happens to me too often.
Being ignored is the worst thing in the world.
Maybe because I get lavished with attention from my family therefore of course, to balance it out, I get no attention from friends.
Being ignored makes me feel very motivated, driven, and a bit vindictive.
BUT IM SO LAZY.
Alright, I can’t be like that anymore.
One thing that is important to realize is that rather than knowing what you can do, what you are capable of, it’s better to realize what you are not able to do, what you draw the line at.
I realize a lot of things about myself, which is nice. Which is helpful. Which is, annoying, because more than often, these are faults.
What can you do?
I watched this documentary called FREE TO PLAY about professional dota 2 players that compete to win a grand prize of 1 million dollars. It’s a very touching story. I highly recommend it.
I went to school with some hardcore gamers, now they are all doctors, or pharmacists. So, parents should at least realize that it takes smarts to play games like that, at that level.
I can’t, I suck at games. I am pretty good at tetris though???
I am off topic.
I wanted to type, because I always feel like someone is listening to me here even though this is a very small blog filled with insignificant small things.
I stopped trying to make my blog popular cause I just can’t. It’s fine the way it is. I am happy with the way it is. And the person that gets the most out of is is me, I love to read the old entries, and see how much my writing has changed and will change.
How much I have changed, how much I will change.
It’ll get better
edit: looking at this blog entry from a 2 years ago? It’s..exactly like this moment. I still feel uncomfortable blogging about myself and my personal feelings…but reading back, it’s wonderful.
i hate the word sneakers. I don’t know why!
I know there’s no reason for me to buy sneakers ever again. And I’ll try to refrain myself from buying these as long as I can. Since these are classics at least I never have to worry about these going out of style or being discontinued any time soon.
Total flashback to my first few pairs of sneakers. Nike Prestos, Adidas Superstar II and others… Puma something.
I haven’t worn Adidas in many years, probably since that pair of Superstar IIs. But I really want a pair of black ones with white stripes. I also see people around town wearing track pants and track suits, the last time that I thought I wanted track suits was in grade 10 or some other unconfident age like that.
Both of these colors are striking for me. But having had a pair of white ones before and knowing that the shell toes turn yellow (???) after a bit of wear will drive me towards the black ones with white stripes.
I am sure there are a lot of cool magazine features and editorials but I can’t find any now so just use your imagination.
I feel like these should be paired with skirts, preferably ankle length skirts.
!!! Since I’m going to portland in August I’ll see if I can score these on the cheap. Especially since I can wear children’s sizes.
Another pair that I’ve been wanting for a LONGGG TIMEEEE is classic vans sk8 HI. They’ve come out with all these colorways and they end up going on sale. I am more interested in this shoe now they’ve come out with the slim version for girls, i have very narrow feet, the slim version will do me good.
I’m a bit interested in this pair since it has the zipper in the back. It’s the ultimate lazy shoe, I also like the leopard print, especially since it’s hidden on the inside.
One major struggle that i’ve had to face a few times throughout my life is to ask myself if I want high tops or lows. This is a very difficult question to answer but if you ask yourself these questions it might help you out a bit…
Q: Do I wear pants a lot or shorts/skirts?
A – Pants: highs are better
A – shorts skirts: lows are better
Q: do I wear skinny jeans or baggy / bell bottom pants?
A – skinny: highs
A – baggy: lows
Q: Will it bother me if my socks will show?
A – yes, then stick with highs
A – no, then lows are fine too.
But it all comes down to what you want.
Another thing that come to mind is what shoe you’ll get, from experience:
converse high tops: for girls
converse lows: for boys
dunk hi > dunk low
Air force one look better with baggy clothes
Vans, stick with hi unless you’re buying slip ons of course.
I don’t know if this has been helpful. But I find myself buying more and more high tops compared to years ago. The sock thing really bother me.
But at least I started wearing socks right?
This was such an unnecessary blog post but chronicling my shoe wants make me feel better.
it sounds really pretentious to just state that you love art. It’s like walking into a party and stating that how the music was too mundane and pedestrian then subsequently pull out your mix which was barely there indie pop. I can’t think of any band at the moment, because I don’t know that many bands to be honest….
I say that I love art with the least amount of pretension possible. I told my professor that I wanted to be an art dealer. This occurred right after I read an article in NEW YORK magazine about a famous art dealer. I am quite easy to influence.
Then my professor said, why don’t you make some art?
I didn’t reply.
I have a fear of making. A fear of buying art supplies then letting it sit there collecting dust.
Art Dealers are fascinating because they discover talent, but more than often, they determine society’s direction. Do they really know what they are doing? Do they really have a vision? They have a lot of influence but how do they get that influence? How do they become someone with influence?
They also lead very luxe lives.
This will also sound fake but it’s not the luxe that I am after.
The luxury life is nice to brag to people about. check out my badass tea cups from the Qing dynasty made out of jade. It’s like that, but it’s also absolute detachment.
I guess that’s why I want a lot of money, because then I can detach myself completely. There’s freedom in that, a kind of creepy, blood-thirsty freedom, but freedom nevertheless.
Please don’t regard me as a greedy beast.
There’s some greed, but a bit of desperation, but mostly driven because I have a bad personality and I very much realize this. Therefore being completely self-reliant is very important.
Art, I don’t know why I like it so much.
One thing that I always enjoy about New York is the over abundance of art that I have access to. I rarely even pay admission, I try to visit when it’s free or when I can donate as little as I can. But the past weekend, I paid to see Jeff Koons (wait for up coming entry) and a few weeks ago I paid to go see Ai Wei Wei.
You are really getting a great deal given how much a Koons goes for these days.
When I go to a gallery, I actually get through the art really quickly. That’s why I was a bit disappointed when the Edward Hopper floor wasn’t open at the Whitney when I visited.
(The Whitney does have a pay-as-you-like program on Friday nights between 6-9 PM but given the fact that it was crazy crowded on a Sunday afternoon, you probably won’t want to go when it is pay-as-you-like. You won’t see much but the back of people’s heads)
I never stare at any piece of art for a long time, I don’t look at the details. I just want to feel something sometimes. I also love how everyone behaves in museums and galleries, it’s nice and refreshing.
I love the art but I also go to just look at people.
It’s funner to take pictures of people looking at the art. Looking at my pictures from Sunday, I have caught a lot of eyes in my photos, looking at me, looking at them, looking at Koons.
I’ve become a bit more patient, so I started to read the stuff on the walls. Sometimes it adds meaning but most of the time it means nothing since I know that a lot of it is made up, especially artist’s statements.
Isn’t the urge to make something enough? Why do I have to translate it for society to understand? I made this. Be happy that I made this.
I have a lot of photos to share from Koons and Ai Wei Wei and a lot of opinions. But recently I discovered a series of art documentaries on youtube by BBC, hosted by Alastair Sooke. He’s a great host and presenter, and brings the entire thing down to earth. I really recommend them.
I recently watched Modern Masters: Andy Warhol and the Most Expensive Paintings in the world (hahahahaa, typical me)
The programs made everything really simple to understand so even someone like myself who have had no education in art history can follow along. I hope they’re available in your region.
I have a lot of photos to edit but I’ll upload them soon.
ENjoy the videos, or whatever you’ll choose to do after reading this.
everyone is obsessed with moleskines because as a nation there’s a shortage of good notebooks. I’ve seen gorgeous, high quality, and often, cheaper notebook in Asia and online. It’s hard to really do research on a notebook when you don’t know what you’re look for, and have no knowledge of its existence. That’s how I feel about make up usually, but I’m obsessed with stationary. As a lot of people are.
Yesterday, I was flipping through an old issue of Creative Review at work and with a subscription to the magazine, you’ll receive a MAGMA sketchbook. The stationary brand also stocks cool and interesting knick knacks alongside design books, graphic zines, posters and something they called weird stuffs. Sadly, it’s not that weird.
But back to the notebooks!
They have designed notebooks for different disciplines, available on their website right now are: DESIGN & ART DIRECTION, FASHION, ART and ILLUSTRATION and coming soon is IDEA GENERATION.
The notebooks not only have pages for writing on, there are also rulers, basic kerning and type design, illustration foundations, inspirational quotes (but not in a lame way) and GET THIS, MULTIPLE RIBBONS!
I’m pretty excited to extend my notebook repertoire beyond moleskines. Cause, honestly, they’re kinda expensive and not that great. I always buy the largest plain moleskine and the paper is too thin for thick ink and sharpie. I write in sharpie to feel grand, and when ideas are limited, each idea should feel as grand as possible, so maybe, I’ll gain a bit of confidence back.
I’m pretty stoked for the idea generation one. From the looks of it, it’s pretty amazing. But it’s not available yet, JUST LIKE how the new murakami book is STILL not out. It’s been literally a jillion years since it came out in Japan. The English translation is always the slowest..booooo